Weight Loss Denial

I wrote a couple of months ago how I was able to lose the pregnancy weight after two babies back to back and how I was so happy to be at my pre pre-pregnancy size.

I love clothes and nothing made me happier than finally fitting in to them 🙂

Since that time though, I’ve lost a few more pounds and while some might ask, “Wait, isn’t that a good thing?” it is, but I’m having some trouble accepting it.

I’ve never been below my pre-pregnancy size. High school and earlier not counting, I’ve always been the same size and I worked  out to maintain that comfortable, healthy-for-me number.

But as I’ve been shopping, and I do that a lot, I’ve been noticing that size not fitting like it used to. I’ve chalk it up to design and cut and still buy it because I like it.

On one shopping excursion, my husband was with me. I chose a few things to try and on and he waited for me to come out and model for him. I love getting his opinions and he actually likes going shopping with me (I have a winner!).

He took one look at me and said what I couldn’t for some reason let myself say out loud, “I think you need to try a size smaller.”

“It’s not going to fit.”

“Just try it.”

I’ve never had any major body issues (thankfully) but I also don’t like not fitting into things and I was scared of the possibility of sardine-ing my way into a pair of pants I knew wouldn’t fit me.

Except they did.

I’m not a big scale person but I do weigh myself from time to time and I’m actually a few pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight. So while I’m in my normal size of clothing, the number isn’t what it used to be. (Further proof that you shouldn’t live by the scale.)

I bought the new size pants but with the bag of new jeans I carried away a feeling that they would most likely collect dust in my closet.

But why? I know that my fitness plans are not changing. My diet has changed a bit as I’m no longer consuming insane amounts of McDonald’s but that’s not changing either. There’s nothing to say that I won’t continue to maintain my body the way it is now. In fact, with MCM in the fall and Phoenix Marathon early next year, I might even lose a few more pounds and/or tone up a bit more as my training increases.

So why am I in a weight loss denial?

I brought this topic up to my Healthy Moms online board where several moms have also lost weight. A few of them agreed with me that there’s something scary new about losing weight. Will I stay at that weight? Should I invest in new clothing? Will I eventually go back to my old size? The pounds will surely come back, right?

Why is hard for us to accept accomplishment and trust in ourselves to continue and embrace our new lifestyle? Because for me it was never about about dieting. It was is most certainly about changing the way I approach working out and eating right. I wasn’t looking for a number to reach and stopping when I reached it. I started taking running seriously because I wanted to challenge myself with goals I hoped to reach–and then challenging myself by setting new goals. I don’t think any of that is going to change soon.

While I’m learning to accept this new body and embrace, I made  a pretty significant breakthrough yesterday.

I was at a small hotel gym getting some treadmill miles in. It was really hot in there but I figured it had something to do with our 98 degree weather outside. About a mile in, I was sweating profusely and decided heck, no need to suffer, I’m taking my shirt off.

I’ve NEVER ran in just a sports bra. Not even pre pre-pregnancy, not in high school, not because of our scorching summers. Never. But somewhere long the way of losing weight, I’ve gained self-confidence. I could see my body in the multitude of mirrors in the gym and I was perfectly fine with what I saw. No nit-picking, no self-judging, just me running.

In fact, I looked at my two baby body with pride. I’ve worked hard.

I’m working hard.

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–Have you lost weight and felt uncomfortable with the newness?

–What are your thoughts on weight loss denial? Why do you think it’s hard for people to accept weight loss?

Thanks for listening friends. This was a personal piece for me.

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